


to be loved (and to be in love)

by divineauthor



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anne with an E (TV): Season 03, Canon Compliant, Canon Dialogue, Coda, F/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, POV Anne Shirley, Pining, honestly although this is Mostly canon compliant there are a few subtle changes, sooooooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25640650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divineauthor/pseuds/divineauthor
Summary: Gilbert has freckles too, she thought, trailing her gaze over the bridge of his nose. If they ever have a child, she hoped they would inherit his soft freckles, instead of her garish ones. She didn’t want them to be cursed with a complexion like hers; it’d be too unbecoming. Gilbert’s freckles, on the other hand, looked like a star splattered them faintly on his face. She distantly wondered what their child would look like with his hair too.—•—A look into Anne’s thoughts and some missing scenes in S3.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	to be loved (and to be in love)

**Author's Note:**

> i posted this on tumblr a while back and it’s technically not finished because it was supposed to be a whole fic spanning all of s3 but i just decided to post what i have since it can just be read as a coda piece !!!
> 
> title from: one direction’s “18”

Anne set off to Gilbert, avoiding Charlie’s gaze. He was sitting on the desk, head buried in his textbook as it usually was. She rounded to the other side and said, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he replied, confused. He got up quickly though and looked at her. She was thinking about all the ways she could help Ruby, how she could formulate the words. Gilbert rested his hand on his wrist that was holding his book. 

“I’m not sure you’re aware, but the old ‘take notice’ board is active again.” Anne was sure he hadn’t seen it. He was always studying, which was rather admirable, but she always felt the need to study just as hard. For some unknown reason, it made her warm when he recognised that she was just as capable as him. Of course, some of his medical textbooks flew over her head, but she was sure that wasn’t her intended vocation. 

Gilbert raised his eyebrow at her and the tiny action made her shift slightly. Her beginning headstrong attitude was rapidly falling and her palms had taken to shaking a little. “Take notice?”

“Yes, of someone. As in you post on the board when you want to let someone know that you’ve taken notice. It’s a way to make a casual declaration. A quiet attention,” she rambled, her fingers picking at her own books. 

“To…” he paused, staring into her eyes, “someone you like.”

She didn’t understand why she felt so jittery by his words, his gaze. “Yes. Not so pointed as to be alarming and not so vague as to not be understood.”

He nodded. “A post in advance, of a proper advance.”

“Exactly, because all these little notices matter when you want to let someone know you’re thinking ahead.” 

“To… their future together?”

“Yes,” she breathed out, her word soft as summer wind. 

“So, you’re suggesting… I post?” he asked, body leaning towards her slightly. The desk between them seemed to be an impossible distance to travel. Anne felt as though he was speaking of something, of _someone_ else and Anne couldn’t wrap her head around the thought. This was for Ruby. Remember that, Anne. 

She couldn’t look him in the eyes for a moment and the words were forming at the tip of her tongue, ready to leave her lips. _If you’re interested in Ruby, let her know before someone…_

But she couldn’t say it, so she just nodded. 

“I’m not exactly a ‘take notice’ kind of guy. And when the right person comes along, someday, whenever that is, I’ll know. But…” he said, a slow smile growing on his face. Anne’s breath got caught in her lungs. He looked like the sun. “Maybe I could be persuaded. You know, if it’s for the right person.”

Anne nodded swiftly and went off to Ruby. Guilt had taken over her and she couldn’t believe she failed. It was just so… so odd being around Gilbert when he said such things, looked at her like that, _smiled_ like that. 

Ruby beamed at her. “Did you see his face?”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t get to—”

“Did you see his face when you were talking about me?” Ruby interrupted, her blonde hair bouncing with her glee. “His eyes were so full of romance, I almost died happy right there and then.”

“His eyes,” Anne said faintly. 

Ruby barreled on, “I firmly believe that his reluctance to post is a sign that he has true feelings for me and is waiting for a much more romantic way to approach me than that.”

Anne just nodded again and took her seat. And just a few moments later, Miss Stacy walked through the door. 

“Good morning, everyone…” 

Miss Stacy had said more, but Anne didn’t notice. She ached to look back at him, to see his eyes if they were filled with romance, filled with it as he looked at _her._ She hadn’t stopped thinking about Ruby’s words. Were Gilbert’s eyes really full with romance? That simply couldn’t be true. But his eyes… oh, they were warm, so very warm. 

The rest of the day passed by agonizingly, her only respite being when Miss Stacy had them announce their lineage. But after school while they were all supposed to be studying, she could hear the hurried scratch of pen on paper. She wasn’t blind enough not to know that they probably weren’t writing down notes. The only one who did was Gilbert. She glanced over at him. He cut an impressive figure, like a dashing hero out of a novel. She turned her head back to her desk and tried to focus. 

When Miss Stacy let them go, everyone else had rushed out, but Anne took her time. She stayed behind, wanting to catch a glimpse of his eyes before he left. She put on her coat and stepped closer to him, probably more than was proper, but she didn’t care. She coughed lightly and he spun around quickly. 

_Gilbert has freckles too_ , she thought, trailing her gaze over the bridge of his nose. If they ever have a child, she hoped they would inherit his soft freckles, instead of her garish ones. She didn’t want them to be cursed with a complexion like hers; it’d be too unbecoming. Gilbert’s freckles, on the other hand, looked like a star splattered them faintly on his face. She distantly wondered what their child would look like with his hair too. 

Wait. _Wait._

_No._

Heat raced across her cheeks and her mouth fell open just a bit. She wasn’t thinking about her and Gilbert’s hypothetical children. Child. She meant child, _not_ multiple children because that meant having multiple relations and—no. She wasn’t thinking about it, about any potential child she might have with Gilbert. She just wasn’t! She couldn’t. She was much too homely and unbecoming to be a wife. And besides, being the bride of adventure seemed like a worthy substitute. She would not be tied down to become a simple wife. She wanted to explore, to roam around freely. Of course, it would be wonderful to find a life mate, to have a partner, a true equal who wouldn’t inhibit her heart’s desires as she wouldn’t do theirs. It’d also be the most romantical thing if they were as intelligent a student as Gilbert—she wouldn’t mind that at all, not one bit. 

Gilbert looked at her, hazel eyes concerned. They were so wondrous, such a different colour up close. She had believed them to be a warm brown, but standing so close to him, with the cold afternoon light hitting his eyes, they were an unveiled forest. Shades of brown and green, its own world ready for her to explore. 

“Anne?” he asked, placing his books down and looking thoughtfully into her eyes. He was so close, it was practically unbearable. Did his hair feel as soft as it looks? She didn’t know, but his hands were a might colder than her face and it was a lovely balm on her skin. He continued, “Anne, are you feeling well? You look flushed.”

Her fingers shook imperceptibly as they held her books and she snapped her mouth shut. He murmured, “You’re a little warm. I hope you aren’t getting sick.” 

For all her expansive vocabulary that she prided herself on, she could barely find words to speak aloud. She cleared her throat, but didn’t move away. “I-I’m fine.”

His hand left her forehead and she missed his touch already. Her eyes caught his lips as he said, “You’re sure?”

Anne dry swallowed noiselessly and nodded. They were a soft pink, slightly chapped from the cold air. She licked her own lips and watched as Gilbert’s eyes darted down to hers. She looked at the floor and stepped away, suddenly flustered at the intimacy of his gaze. “I have to go. Diana’s probably wondering what’s taken me so long. Of course, Matthew and Marilla would be worried if I came home too late and—”

“Right,” he said, coughing lightly. He smiled at her again and Anne’s heart skipped a beat. _Oh, this is bad_. “Goodbye, Anne.”

“Goodbye, Gilbert,” was all she said before she threw on her coat and hat, grabbing her things and heading out in a rush. She caught up to Diana, her lungs catching in her chest at the run. She fixed her braids and her hat as she caught her breath. 

“Are you okay? Why were you running? I thought you had to stay after class to ask Miss Stacy about your vocation.” Diana looped her arm through hers and continued walking a steady pace, much too different from her hurried sprint. Anne welcomed the change. Focusing on her wonderful, bosom friend was a much welcomed distraction from her own mind. 

“I’ll just ask her tomorrow. There’s no need to rush. And I just didn’t want to miss our walk home.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t a whole truth either and it burned in her chest as her thoughts wandered back to Gilbert, his soft voice and cold hands and pink lips. 

Her sixteenth birthday passed by like a glorious sea breeze. And since Marilla has finally given Anne permission to go and find out about her real parents, she immediately went upstairs and wrote a letter to Cole, asking if he could escort her. She also told him to give Aunt Josephine her love too. But then her next problem was asking Gilbert to accompany her on the train. It was preposterous, really. She most certainly could ride the train by herself, and she had done it before with no problem. But this was for Marilla. 

Anne has asked Marilla to take Belle over to the Blythe-Lacroix household and she agreed, urging her to hasten her journey. She slowed her gallop into a steady trod as she got closer to their house. She jumped off of Belle, tying her to the post with suddenly clumsy fingers before she trudged up the beaten down pathway. She fixed her hat before she knocked. 

Mary answered the door, Delphine on her hip. She smiled. “Hello, Anne. Why don’t you come on in?”

“Thank you, Mary,” she said, running a finger down baby Delphine’s smooth cheek. She gurgled happily and Anne couldn’t help but grin. She gestured towards Delphine, looking at Mary. “May I?”

“Oh, of course.” Mary handed her over and Anne took Delphine into her arms with practiced ease. “I have a pot of tea ready, if you want some. But is there any particular reason for the visit? Not that I mind the company.” 

Anne looked up and said, “Yes, I almost forgot! Is Gilbert here? I have to ask him for a favor. And tea sounds lovely, thank you.”

“Yes, he’s in his room studying. The boy never breathes out of his books.” Mary rolled her eyes and walked over to the staircase. She yelled, “Gilbert, Anne’s here to see you!”

They both heard a muffled thump, like someone had fallen, but Mary had walked back towards her. “Do you mind watching over Dellie for me for a few minutes? I have to pin up the laundry. It won’t take that long.”

“Certainly!” Anne said, waving Mary off as Anne placed Delphine on her hip. She surveyed the kitchen and, ah, there was the pot. She managed to find two cups—just in case Gilbert wanted some too, of course—and made tea one handedly. A true feat considering her usual marked clumsiness. She hadn’t noticed that Gilbert was already downstairs until she looked up, seeing him lean against the walkway with a soft expression. She was warmer than before and she couldn’t blame it on the tea just yet. 

Instead of sitting down like she did just seconds before, he came to her side and knelt down to hold Delphine’s tiny hand. He smiled and kissed Delphine’s forehead before sitting down next to Anne. She froze when his knees almost knocked against hers. 

“Hi, Anne,” he greeted. His lone finger was still captured by Delphine’s fist and she grinned. 

“Hi, Gilbert.”

They made small pleasantries, talking about her birthday and the crops and their studies. But minutes into their conversation, Gilbert asked, “But regardless, what brings you here?”

“Oh, yes! I came to ask you for a favor,” she started. “I’ve been thinking about who my real parents are and I asked Marilla if I could go on a trip, which she granted only if I’m accompanied the entire time. I already asked Cole to come with me to go from Charlottetown to Nova Scotia, but I still need someone to come with me to Charlottetown. It’ll be in a few weeks time. I find it infuriating that I have to find escorts. I’ve done it before and it really is my journey and I don’t need to be accompanied, but it’s for Marilla’s peace of mind, and also she would’ve never let me go without any. And you already go there every weekend for your apprenticeship, so I was hoping you’d—”

“Of course, Anne,” he said, like it’d be foolish to think he’d say anything other than that. 

Her mouth unconsciously twitched upwards and his eyes darted down to her lips. This was the second time he had done that and Anne didn’t know what to do. She was about to make some excuse to leave when Mary came back in. She was one part relieved and one part disappointed. Mary had raised an eyebrow at their closeness and gestured at Delphine. Anne immediately stood up and kissed her head before handing her back to Mary. Gilbert stood up as well and cleared his throat politely. 

“I, uh, have to get going.” She brushed her hands against her coat. “It was lovely to see you all.”

Anne barely heard their goodbyes as she raced out the door. She reached Belle in no time and untied her from the post, mounting her in a quick movement. The only thought in her head as she trekked back to Green Gables was if Gilbert really was looking at her lips. 

She swiftly bounded up the stairs and flopped down onto her bed, sighing loudly. Would it really be horrible if Gilbert was indeed looking at her like that. She was sure and certain she wasn’t the type of person anyone would admire, though she had dreamed of it relentlessly. Cole’s words from ages ago now haunt her yet again. 

_You know Gilbert has a crush on you, right?_

Cole wasn’t as cruel as to lie to her about matters of the heart, but it had been a lifetime and a second since it had passed. Surely Gilbert had lost whatever affection he had about her. And she couldn’t forget about poor Ruby, whom she utterly failed in helping. It had been days since she’d spoken to Gilbert about the take notice board and there were none from him about Ruby. 

Anne heaved herself from her bed and looked out of her window, watching the golden sun waving its goodbye before it slumbered. She reached out a hand, the last bit of light seeping through the cracks of her fingers. How odd was it she found herself reminded of Gilbert now. He smiled at her and there was nothing she could do but be reminded of the sun and now all the sun did was remind her of him. 

She slumped down into her chair and leaned her head against the wall. Ruby was completely infatuated with Gilbert and she’d be the most awful friend if she made any advance on him. Guilt had already started to eat at her stomach, burning away at her insides. She couldn’t like him, even though a part of her ached to do so. It would be unfair to both Ruby and Gilbert. She breathed out, frowning, “Wholly unfair.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !!!! find me on [tumblr](http://useralyssa.tumblr.com/) :D


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